Pleasing others – it’s something we’ve all done. Consciously or unconsciously, we bend over backward to meet expectations, avoid conflict, or simply be liked. While this behavior might seem harmless, it’s often the voice of our inner pleaser at work. Overcome your inner pleaser and unlock authentic leadership.
This pleaser part of us can prevent authentic leadership, stalling personal and professional growth. Recognizing this behavior is the first step toward change.
The Trap of Being Humble
Let’s talk about humility. It’s often praised as a virtue, but why are we being humble? If it’s to avoid criticism or to ensure others like us, it’s not real humility – it’s our pleaser taking over.
Here’s an example from my own life: I once publicly declared my ambition to become a millionaire. Immediately, my pleaser kicked in, worrying about what others might think of me. Was I being arrogant? Too bold? In truth, my pleaser was trying to keep me safe, but at the expense of my authenticity.
Humility should come from a place of strength and authenticity, not fear. When the pleaser drives this behavior, it becomes an obstacle, not a virtue.
How Pleaser Behavior Hinders Leadership
As a coach, I see this often. I’ve fallen into the trap myself – rescheduling sessions or offering extra dates to accommodate clients. On the surface, it looked like good customer service. But in reality, my pleaser was afraid of not being seen as a “good enough” coach.
This behavior undermines leadership. Leadership requires boundaries and accountability. By trying to please others, I was taking away their responsibility – and their opportunity to grow.
Choosing Yourself Is Leadership
During a recent mini-training, I met a participant who felt overwhelmed by her life – a new job, family obligations, and caring for her parents. She explained why she couldn’t join my program, but her reasons weren’t unique. Many women in my program face similar challenges.
The difference? They chose themselves. Despite everything, they prioritized their growth and leadership. This isn’t about doing more; it’s about reclaiming your position and focusing on what truly matters.
Overcome Your Inner Pleaser
- Recognize the Voice: Notice when your pleaser is speaking. Are you making decisions out of fear or a need to please others?
- Set Boundaries: Leadership begins with clear boundaries. Say no when necessary.
- Prioritize Yourself: Ask, “What do I need?” before serving others.
- Take Responsibility: Authentic leadership comes from owning your choices, not outsourcing them to please others.
Step into Authentic Leadership
Your pleaser wants to protect you, but it’s holding you back. True growth happens when you challenge this inner voice and make space for your own ambitions.
Are you ready to take charge of your life and leadership? Start by recognizing and overcoming your pleaser – and watch how your authenticity transforms your impact.
Enjoy the full podcast episode and overcome you inner pleaser so you can start leading!
Your biggest cheerleader,
– Susan Veldkamp